


Feel You On My Skin

by sinspiration



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, patater, rating is definitely going to go up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-20 15:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8253766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinspiration/pseuds/sinspiration
Summary: “Ох блядский мудак! You liking hit like that so much?? Huh? I can hit, too!”Kent freezes, looking up, completely blown at this Alexei “Tater” Mashkov, who is also currently holding him up with one arm and shaking him like a ragdoll--Kent lets him, because he can’t not, can only hold himself as still as possible while his brain rattles in his ears over hearing his words--Coming from a man who clearly hates him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the following post by @nomorelonelydays on tumblr:
> 
> _I want a patater hurt/comfort soulmate AU where the first words tater ever said to Kent on the ice about beating him up is written on Kent’s arm, and for his entire life Kent’s just terrified of meeting his soulmate_
> 
> And uh. This happened.

Kent spends most of his childhood without a soulmark. His doctors always check during his pediatric physicals, like they do for all children and--nothing. Soulmarks are fairly rare anyway, so everyone shrugs and figure he’s just someone who doesn’t have a pre-destined match.

Once Kent is old enough to understand what that means, he’s pretty happy about it. He likes the idea that he’ll get to find someone himself, that he doesn’t have to worry about the consent politics and other unpleasant sides of the soulmark movement.

When he meets Jack, and finds out that he doesn’t have a soulmark either, Kent is, well...he’s a dumb teenager is what he is, and Jack’s his best friend, and it’s enough for him to maybe hope.

The night Jack ODs is one of the most terrifying nights of Kent’s life. The time Jack spends recovering, are some of Kent’s loneliest days.

When Jack makes it clear he’s done with Kent, Kent fights down tears and eventually makes it back to his empty apartment, throws off his clothes and buries himself underneath his covers.

It’s only the next morning, blearily looking into the mirror, that he sees the words now emblazoned over his heart.

 

\---

 

Kent spends a couple minutes just gaping. He--he never thought he’d be marked. Had spent his whole life figuring first that he’d find someone himself and then…

Well, and then, figuring that he was going to just stay alone.

Now there’s, what, a chance? A hope? He’s spent enough time around Russian hockey players that he can tell what language his mark is written in, but while he’s not bad at speaking and understanding at this point, he can’t really read it. He manages, with a lot of twisting and the judicious use of a mirror, to copy it down, and then he’s taking a picture of it and texting Smithy, asking him what it means.

He’s pacing back and forth around his apartment, unable to keep still, when his phone buzzes.

He has to sit down when he reads the meaning. Because of course.

Of course even his supposed _soulmate_ \--

Kent puts his head in his hands and fights back tears for the second time in two days.

 

\---

 

Alexei is not born with a soulmark, but he gets one a few days after his tenth birthday, curling around his ankle. His parents, both unmarked, smile at him and tell him how lucky he is, to know for certain that there is someone out there just for him.

Alexei is a bit disappointed, at ten. He doesn’t like the idea of kissing anyone at all, and some words on his ankle doesn’t change his mindset.

As for the meaning… once he cared enough to know, he turned to the internet and got an approximation of what his mark meant. The first words he would hear his soulmate say.

He is shocked, and hurt, and he doesn’t understand. At first he thinks he had translated it wrong, but no, even when he goes to school and asks the English teacher for the meaning… he is sure that the only reason she didn’t punish him for the profanity was because of how he had crumpled after hearing for certain the truth.

It makes him care more, the meaning of his words. Makes him wonder what he must have done, to have such an angry reply. He does his best to be kind and gentle, especially as he grows, hoping that at least the first words might trickle into better ones.

As he gets older, when he _does_ want to kiss certain people, he does so. He explores, is encouraged to by his parents who say it is healthy to do so, but eventually everything feels like… like cheating.

He is big, and tall, strong and handsome and kind, and there are many who express interest in him. But he stops being interested in them. He has a soulmark. There already _is_ somewhere out there, just for him. And he promises in his heart to love them with all of it, no matter who they turn out to be.

 

\---

 

When Tater turns twenty-one, he is newly arrived in the USA, and stumbling through introductions with his new team. They’re a nice enough group, and they welcome him without making fun of his English, and he immediately is drawn to the backup goalie, a kid who goes by Snowy.

It’s not that Snowy isn’t interesting (he is) or good at hockey (he _is_ ), but he’s also the first American Alexei meets who uses profanity so _often_. Just as part of his speech pattern.

It gives him hope. That maybe the person he is destined for is like Snowy, and just...uses such words to embellish his speech. “Don’t touch me!” sounds much less angry, much less hurt. Maybe Alexei’s soulmate is shy, or getting over a cold, or simply nervous about meeting him. Alexei is an intimidating man, after all, though he tries not to be.

He still worries about meeting them, but the worry is lessoned some. And he has other things to concentrate on, like hockey, and his new team, and his English. Even if the words are always in the back of his mind.

 

\---

 

Kent ignores his mark and focuses on hockey.

He goes home to his empty apartment.

He fields reporters asking about his upcoming games, wondering why he doesn’t date, covering his partying life.

And goes home.

He gets better and better and _better--_

Turn on the light, fling his bag down, stumble to bed--

He sees Jack, ready to _play_ against Jack and--

And--

“Ох блядский мудак! You liking hit like that so much?? Huh? I can hit, too!”

He freezes, looking up, completely blown at this Alexei “Tater” Mashkov, who is also currently holding Kent up with _one arm_ and shaking him like a ragdoll--

Kent lets him, because he can’t _not_ , can only hold himself as still as possible while his brain rattles in his ears over hearing _his words_ \--

Coming from a man who clearly hates him.

Kent clenches his jaw. He gets released. Hears the angry comment as Alexei skates away. He clenches his jaw harder and waits. They get two more seconds and he _plays_ . It’s all he can do, all he’s good at, all he’s good _for_ , and at least it’s something, because they win, and the team cheers for him and claps him on the back. Kent smiles and goes to press. He always goes to press first, if he can help it, because it means the locker rooms are emptier when he gets to them.

He used to like being shirtless, to show off his body. Now he wears a patch over his heart and flinches every time he has to change the tape.

Swoops is just pulling his shirt over his head when Kent stumbles into the lockers. He smiles at Kent, who nods tiredly as he heads for the showers.

“Hey Parson!” Swoops calls over the spray. “We’re going out tonight! Want me to wait for you?”

“No thanks. I would, but I’ve still got a headache from the shake-up.”

“Alright, alright. Feel better man.”

“Thanks.”

He soaps up quickly, rinses off just as fast. Sighs in the quiet of the empty locker room and gets dressed. Heads down the hall, already dreaming about his hotel room and--and not thinking about anything else. Obviously not thinking about anyone else.

Kent swallows and walks faster, and nearly runs smack dab into Alexei Mashkov’s chest. He stumbles back, and hears, “You alright?” and a hand reaching out to steady him, and for one frantic moment Kent thinks _maybe he doesn’t hate me_ before the concerned tone turns into a hiss. “You! Little rat! Why still here!” It’s a demand, and Kent can’t answer, can’t open his mouth because if he’s got Alexei’s words, Alexei has his and Kent _can’t_ let him know. Can’t face that rejection. He already knows he’ll be alone, he doesn’t need his own soulmate to clinch it.

He turns away, trying to head back the way he came; it’s a big arena there has to be another exit somewhere, but Alexei _follows_ him, oh god. “Running away? Little coward man! Coward move, rushing goalie! Why not speak, huh?”

Oh god, oh god, oh god, Kent needs to get _away_ each angry word _hurts_ , the words over his heart searing over a rejected bond. He knows if a bond is fully rejected, the words will fade away, leaving an X of a scar where they used to be, and he’s heard stories about how painful getting that X carved into your skin feels and he needs to _leave._

But Alexei is bigger than him, and his legs are longer, and Kent is starting to get blinded by the pain. He stumbles, falling against a wall, knees collapsing underneath him and Alexei is _right there_.

“...Parson?” he asks, and he actually sounds wary now, big hands reaching forward, and Kent can’t stand it, he _hurts_ ; every breath is a knife in his chest, and he won’t be able to handle contact, he can’t _do it_

“Don’t fucking touch me!” And maybe he is a coward, just like Alexei said, because he curls into himself and hides his head in his hands and just hopes that he’ll finally be left alone.

But even as the pain starts to fade, he doesn’t hear footsteps, and when he cautiously looks up, it’s to Alexei staring down at him in horror. Because he knows now. He has Kent’s words and he _knows_.

Kent squeezes his eyes shut and waits for the X to start burning into his skin.


	2. Chapter 2

Alexei had once accidentally broken a teammate’s nose, back in Russia. He’d been angry, talking and gesticulating wildly, and had backhanded Ivanov in the face. He’d felt awful for _weeks_. He hates it when he hurts someone off the ice. On the ice it’s part of the game, the rush, (and let’s face it, the other team always deserves it, right? Right), but off the ice he has always worried about his strength, and his words, and doing the wrong thing.

Kent Parson is from the other team, and Alexei has hurt him, is still hurting him, and it is the worst thing Alexei has ever felt, even as Kent’s words echo in his ears.

_“Don’t fucking touch me!”_

“Parson?” he asks again, trying to gentle his voice, to somehow distance himself from the angry words he’d spat moments before, and regretting them so, so much. He reaches out instinctively, wanting desperately to comfort, but Parson flinches when he does so, pressing himself further back against the wall.

Parson’s breathing is shaky, and he’s trembling, and he’s whispering, “please just get it over with, please, please--” and Alexei’s heart breaks into pieces, even as the words on his ankle start to burn, reacting to his soulmate’s stress and fear.

“I--I will not hurt you, Kent Parson,” is all he manages to say, hoping it will _do_ something. Kent swallows and looks up at him, looks up, and up, and up. Abruptly Alexei realizes he is looming over him, and before he had threatened to _hit_ him, of course he’s scared. Parson is one of the smallest in the league. One of the fastest, one of the _best_ , Alexei can admit that, but Alexei towers over him, especially now, and he nearly trips over himself to sit down on the floor and give Parson some distance.

The moment he moves, Parson’s eyes widen and he throws his hands up in front of his face, shrinking away. Alexei feels like crying that he has made someone else feel so afraid, made his _soulmate_ feel like this, like he needs to fear him. It is every horrible scenario he has ever imagined crashing down on him.

So he sits, in silence, a few feet away, until Parson lowers his arms again and looks at Alexei warily.

“I do this wrong,” Alexei murmurs, keeping his voice low, trying to make himself seem smaller. The words are clumsy on his tongue. “I--I do not mean…” he trails off, so many things to apologize that it all sticks in his throat. His ankle burns, and if this is what Parson had been feeling while Alexei had been yelling at him--

Alexei has never hated himself before. He does now.

 

\---

 

Kent doesn’t know what to do when the pain over his heart actually _stops_ , instead of getting worse. He doesn’t know what to expect when Alexei opens his mouth and assures Kent that he won’t hurt him.

Is close to panicking at first, when Alexei sits down, a few scant feet away, and doesn’t seem inclined to move.

But when he finally makes himself look up, Alexei has his shoulders hunched over like he’s trying to make himself appear smaller, and he looks absolutely devastated. No doubt because he’s realized who his supposed soulmate is, but then--why doesn’t the bond burn with rejection? And why doesn’t Alexei just leave him?

Why, when he speaks again, do the words sound like an apology?

“What’s going on?” he hates how pathetic he sounds, hates the tremble in his voice, but he needs to know, can’t take the uncertainty. If Alexei’s going to reject him, Kent wants him to get it _over_ with.

“You do not know?” Alexei asks, sadly. “We...we have each other’s words, Kent Parson. I--I have yours. I think you have mine.”

“Yeah,” Kent forces out, looking at the ground. He refuses to cry. “Sorry about that.”

Alexei rears back, looking shocked. “No! No, I am sorry! I am sorry for… for this. For you.”

“For getting stuck with me,” Kent mutters. “Yeah, I get it.” He waits, and _waits_ , but the pain doesn’t come, and Alexei still doesn’t move. He just sits there, looking… Kent would almost call it heartbroken, if he didn’t know any better.

“My English is not best,” Alexei says, after a while. And Kent just then notices that he’s sitting on his hands. “I am sorry for this. For you being hurt. For me making you hurt. Not for… knowing. Not for hearing you say my words.” He smiles, and even Kent can tell that it’s watery. “I wait long time to hear those words, Kent Parson. Just sorry for why you say them.”

“I--what?”

Alexei leans forward before he seems to realize what he’s doing and pulls back. “Let me say another way. I am Alexei Mashkov. Friends, they call me Tater. I have your mark on me, Kent parson. You have mine. I would… I would like to know. I would like to know you.”

Kent lets out a wet laugh, but the fear and upset is settling. Alexei’s gentleness now is only making him angry. How dare he pretend to _care_. “Do you even know what you said? What I’ve got on me?”

Alexei shakes his head and looks at him earnestly. “Please, tell me?”

“Ох блядский мудак!” Kent barks out, knowing that his pronunciation is perfect. He’d had Smithy tell him out loud over and over until he could say it himself. Smithy hadn’t asked why, which was why Kent had trusted him in the first place. Alexei’s eyes widen, and Kent feels a little gratified. “Yeah.” He smacks his chest, clutches at the fabric right over his mark. “That’s what I get to wear around. I suppose an X would be better than that, huh?”

“X?” Alexei asks, sounding--surprised? No. Maybe taken aback that Kent was the one who suggested it first. At least he’s not laughing.

“Right. So if you could just…” he waves with his free hand. “Get on with it. I don’t know, say how you’ll never love me and can’t stand me and all that, we can burn my words away and you can go about your business.”

“No!” It’s shouted, louder than Kent had been, and he jerks back from the force of it. Alexei is reaching out with one hand. “No, I--please!” he sounds desperate. “Please, sorry I say wrong! I not wanting burn words away. Want you safe, not hurt. Not hurt from me.”

It’s quiet in the hall after Alexei is done, the silence suffocating as Kent processes what has been said, what Alexei has apparently _been_ saying.

That he wants to keep the bond. That, at least for now, he isn’t saying no.

Kent swallows. He’s going to, eventually. Once he realizes that Kent is bad news when it comes to everything but hockey.

But he’ll take what he can get.

“Okay,” he says, trying to conjure up a smile. He’s usually better at faking them, but the night has left him rattled. “Okay, sure. Let’s give this a try, I guess.”

The brilliant smile Alexei gives him then shouldn’t make him ache, but it does anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

Kent ends up following Alexei to his apartment. Alexei had offered to drive him, but Kent 1) had not wanted to abandon his rental car at the arena, and 2) was absolutely not going home with Alexei without a way to retreat if he needed to.

He doesn’t know what to expect. Kent doesn’t really follow players outside of their games, and he’s avoided keeping tabs on Jack’s team on purpose, even though he was tempted. He’s watched tape of the Falconers to get ready for his game, and that’s it. So he knows that Alexei is strong (knew that first hand anyway) and tends to rush other players, and is known for dropping his gloves and getting into fights.

Aside from that, he’s going in blind, past the words on his chest. And honestly, those aren’t exactly  _ comforting. _

He spends the drive thinking. Kent has a soulmark. He  _ wants _ a soulmate. The idea of someone loving him, not leaving him, is… difficult to imagine. Alexei, since he doesn’t  _ know _ Kent yet, wants to keep their bond. He had also been pretty adamant that he didn’t want to hurt Kent, when he wasn’t making anger-based decisions.

When he  _ was _ angry…

Kent isn’t thinking about that. He wants this to  _ work, _ for as long as he can manage. So he has to try his best and just… make himself into someone that Alexei won’t want to throw away, at least for the moment. 

Kent knows he’s attractive. He’s fit, and he’s had plenty of practice at making sex good, when he’d been trying to lose himself in it. 

It’s something he’s got to offer, anyway.

He takes off his shoes at the entry because Alexei does, and then follows the man into the kitchen.

“Must be hungry, after game,” Alexei says. “I can make something?”

Kent shrugs, and smiles. He looks better when he smiles. And he’s had enough time to recover a little, bring it to the surface. “Sure.” He’ll eat whatever. After a game he’s usually wolfing down take-out before he passes out, but he isn’t feeling very hungry right now.

Alexei frowns, takes a bottle of orange juice out of the fridge and pours two glasses, one of which he holds out to Kent. Kent takes it and drains it, for something to do. Alexei smiles when he looks over at him. 

Kent smiles back. Alexei’s not going to love him. But Kent’s tired of being alone. And this gives him the chance to go for it sooner over later. Show Alexei why Kent might be worth keeping around.

Alexei ends up making them scrambled eggs, sliding a plate over to Kent, who eats methodically, feeding his body because he needs it. He’s tired, and he just wants to sleep this feeling away, but that’s not why he’s here.

“I’m thinking we talk now,” Alexei says, after he puts the dishes in the sink. 

Kent does not want to talk. He wants to show Alexei what he  _ is _ good for. Get that for a little while, before Alexei inevitably rejects the bond.

“Why talk?” Kent asks, putting on his best smirk. “I can think of better things we could do.”

But Alexei’s brow furrows. “No,” he says slowly. “I do not think that is good way to start.”

Kent’s baffled. “Then why am I here?”

Now  _ Alexei  _ looks baffled. “To talk.”

“About  _ what _ ?”

“Us,” Alexei says, matter-of-fact. “How to do this. How to know each other. I wish soulbond to last.”

This is never not going to shock Kent, so he blurts out, “So do I?”

And again, Alexei smiles at him. He looks… gentle. “Is question?”

“Um.”

“Come,” Alexei points to the living room. “We sit and talk, and then we sleep.”

Right. Right, okay. Talking first,  _ then _ sex. Kent can do that.

They sit down on Alexei’s huge couch, something that Alexei fits on and Kent feels like he’s sinking into. Alexei turns to look at him, but still keeps his distance. He hasn’t touched Kent at all since the game.

Which. Kent isn’t sure how he feels about that. On the one hand it’s nice? That Alexei isn’t like, trying to force anything now that he knows Kent’s his soulmate, because  _ god _ the man is intimidating, but on the other, Kent’s going to spend this whole “talking time” thing jittery with anticipation, waiting for when Alexei has them move to the bedroom. He’s good at sex. Talking, not so much.

“So I’m go first,” Alexei says, after a moment. “I’m Russian, which I’m think you know!” He grins, though it falters when Kent only blinks back at him. “I’m coming to USA when twenty-one, to play hockey. I love sport very much! Keeps me very busy, but is good busy. I’m liking ‘hockey talks’ with team, and charity events. Hospital visits, they are my favorite. Even though they making me sad, seeing sick children. I like making them happy!”

Kent listens to Alexei as he goes on to tell Kent a little more about stuff he likes, how he got his nickname, and his plans for his day with the Stanley cup. When he’s finished, he looks expectantly at Kent. “Now is your turn, Kent Parson.”

“For just like… telling you about myself?”

Alexei grins. “Yes! So I get to know you, my soulmate. Is how bonds are made to last.”

Um. Um, okay. Kent can do this. “I like hockey,” he says slowly. “Um. Duh. And going out, to drink and dance and stuff.” Mostly true. The dancing he likes, the drinking he uses to drown out the noise in his ears, and everything else is a way to keep from being alone on his off days and nights.” He swallows, trying to think of something positive to say. Alexei had talked about his favorite charity events… “I guest-coach a couple of teams back in Vegas. I’ve got one team, an all-girls team, they’re my favorite.” He can’t help but smile when he thinks of them, the little spitfires. “There are a couple on it who’ll go really far, if they stick with hockey.”

“You very beautiful when you smile, Kent Parson,” Alexei says, leaning forward just a little. “I haven’t seen it yet. Glad I see it now.”

What’s he talking about? Kent’s been smiling at him since he got here. But he flashes Alexei another good one, big and bright. And it’s nice to  _ know _ Alexei finds him attractive. That’s something.

Alexei blinks at him, then frowns again, and Kent doesn’t know what’s going  _ on _ . “Like real smile better,” he says. “But also you are tired. Don’t have to smile for me now.”

Okay. That’s fine. That’s--confusing. But fine. They’re done talking now, right? Kent leans forward also, gets closer to Alexei until they’re just a whisper of room between them. “I’m not  _ too _ tired,” he says, lowering his voice. Could they just get to the part where he knows what he’s doing? 

 

\---

 

Alexei has been playing a contact sport his whole life, and he’s part of an elite best of the best. He knows a thing or two about body language, and he can read it well. He doesn’t need to be good at English to know what someone is or isn’t saying.

And everything about Kent  _ screams _ that he’s uncomfortable. Even (especially) some of his smiles. The way he leans forward but his body stays stiff. How he floundered when Alexei wanted them to talk.

So he doesn’t understand why Kent keeps suggesting sex when he clearly doesn’t want Alexei anywhere near him.

Alexei can at least understand  _ that _ . They hadn’t met under great circumstances, then Alexei had yelled at Kent and scared him, and even though Alexei has done his best to seem unthreatening and show Kent his good sides, he can see why Kent might not be ready to let him in yet.

This he’d expected. No one thinks that a soulmark means a perfect relationship, and certainly not right off the bat. Alexei has had plans for years about how he would talk to his soulmate, woo them properly, until they were ready to let him love them. Until they loved him back.

But Kent Parson is...confusing. He keeps trying to convince Alexei that he is okay, when he’s obviously not. That he wants Alexei, when he clearly doesn’t. And that…

Alexei is a straightforward man. He says what he thinks, and means what he says. And he doesn’t know how else to make Kent comfortable. 

He knows he must be careful with Kent Parson. He has to make up for his first words. He has to make up for what happened after. And he is getting the feeling that maybe… maybe Kent doesn’t realize who is really in the wrong.

He puts his hand on Kent’s knee and frowns when Kent flinches, just a little. “Bedroom is good idea,” he ends up saying, wishing he could beat  _ himself _ for the mess he is making of this. And then, quickly, because Kent turns to stone under his hand, “I show you where you sleep.” 

He stands up fast, pulling away, and motions Kent to the guest bedroom. Shows him where the bathroom is, and gives him a spare toothbrush (Alexei always makes sure he has plenty; with how often he’s had teammates crash at his place after an evening of drinking). Runs to his closet to get Kent something to sleep in. (Tries to make a joke; “Will be big! But big is okay, yes?” and Kent honest-to-god  _ cringes _ why does Alexei keep saying things wrong.)

Kent is quiet through all of it, looking confused and not unlike he’s about to run away. Alexei almost takes pity on him (and himself) and suggests Kent go back to his hotel room, but he doesn’t want to give up. He wants to see Kent in the morning and take him out to breakfast properly.

The morning will be a fresh start! He’ll do his best to show Kent how hard he tries to be a good man. And maybe then Kent might consider giving Alexei a chance.

 

\---

 

Kent lies awake in the freaking guest bedroom in his borrowed T-shirt and can only think about how badly he’s messing this up. 

He’s normally good at seduction. Smiling just right and saying the right things and--it’s simple. It’s easy. But apparently Alexei Mashkov is just not one to be fucking tempted and  _ doesn’t _ want Kent for sex, and Kent doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do now. Because up until now, he’d figured that was why Alexei had asked Kent back to his place. Not for--for making him dinner and talking about their favorite things.

He doesn’t know what else he can do. How is he supposed to convince someone to want him when it’s clear from the get-go they don’t?

Kent thumbs at the patch he has covering his mark and sighs. He still has a chance. Alexei wants talking, Kent can do talking. The morning’s a fresh start. He’ll do better.


	4. Chapter 4

Kent doesn’t sleep well. He dreams of his mark burning, the phantom echos of how it had felt when Alexei had yelled at him. He jerks awake to the image of an X emblazoned on his skin and, for a moment, thinks Alexei rejected the bond while Kent was asleep.

He checks, rucking up his shirt and pulling off the patch. No such luck. He’ll have to live through the pain like everyone else who’s ever been rejected.

It’s still pretty early, and he knows he’s not getting back to sleep, so he makes a quick stop at the bathroom, hoping to make it back to the guestroom before Alexei gets up so he can get dressed and meet him this morning with a semblance of dignity.

Which is, of course, why he runs into the man in the hallway.

“Kent Parson,” Alexei laughs. “Must stop meeting this way.” He’s wearing jogging pants and a soaked T-shirt, and must have just gotten back from a run or something. Kent takes a moment to be appreciative. Alexei Mashkov is a handsome man. 

When he looks up to meet his eyes, Alexei is grinning at him. So...that’s good. Kent must have done something right for once. He doesn’t know what it  _ was _ , but it’s something.

“Morning,” he says. Adding, “and I don’t mind. Meeting like this.”

Alexei laughs again. “Good, good!” He reaches out to touch Kent on the shoulder and Kent doesn’t even flinch. Alexei’s smile grows wider. “I be right back! Shower, change, then we get breakfast, yes?”

“Uh, yeah.” Wow, so things are already going better than yesterday by a million. “That sounds good.”

“Good! Be right back. Coffee is ready in kitchen, if you are drinking it.”

“Right,” Kent says. “Thanks.”

Alexei beams at him, then heads into the bathroom. Kent shrugs and walks to the kitchen. Coffee sounds like a good idea. 

As he pours himself a cup, he mentally runs through the day. His team is flying back that evening and he has to be at the airport at six, but aside from that he actually has some free time, as opposed to hopping on a plane at ass-o-clock in the morning. So he can go get breakfast with Alexei and hopefully keep making him smile at Kent (like Kent actually  _ means _ something), and then maybe head back to his hotel to pack up and… go from there.

They’re both allowed to apply for their allotted bond-make time, but Kent doesn’t know how good of an idea that is. A week is a long time to spend with someone, and he doesn’t want to mess up like he did yesterday. If he can fly back to Vegas without making Alexei hate him, then he buys himself more time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

Also, Alexei yelling at him yesterday had hurt more than anything he’s ever felt, and anything that prolongs the X is a good idea.

 

\---

 

Alexei is very happy taking his shower and pulling on his clothes. Already things are going better than yesterday! Kent seems to have calmed a little, and Alexei had noticed him admiring his body. That makes him feel good, that Kent finds him attractive. He had worried about that. He knows he is not to everyone’s taste.

But Kent had even made a joke, and, importantly, hadn’t looked scared. So everything was looking up.

Alexei takes Kent to one of his favorite cafes for breakfast, smiling at their waitress when she seats them. Everyone knows him here, which is very nice. He likes less fuss about who he is.

“What you are liking?” he asks, as Kent looks over the menu.

Kent peeks up at him. “Uh, what’s good?”

“Ah, many things! Omelettes are my favorite. Also the waffles.” Tater usually gets an order of both. The omelettes for the protein, and the waffles because he likes them.

“Kay. Guess I’ll try an omelet then.” Kent orders a spinach omelet, and Alexei gets his usual order of meat-lovers and a belgian waffle.

Kent raises an eyebrow when he orders, and Alexei grins at him. “I’m big guy,” he says. “Need big portions.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Kent says. But there’s a smile playing around his lips, and it doesn’t look forced at all. Alexei counts that for the win it is.

They’re quiet when they eat, but Alexei is fine with that. He can already tell that Kent is more relaxed, and that’s all he really wanted from this breakfast. Everything else he can work on a bit at a time.

He knows that Kent is supposed to fly back to Vegas sometime today, so he really hopes Kent will be up for filing for their bond-make time after they eat. The sooner the better, as far as Alexei is concerned. With a week of time, he’ll really be able to pay attention to Kent, and show him how much the soulbond means to him. What he wants  _ Kent _ to mean to him.

After he gets the check, he brings it up. “We meet with our coaches now?”

Kent frowns. “Why?”

Oh. He hadn’t been thinking about it, then. Alexei tries not to feel disappointed. “To get bond-make time off! You spend the week with me here, or I go with you. Not picky.” He tries to smile encouragingly, but it’s hard when Kent’s face blanks.

“Oh,” Kent says. “You uh, you want to?”

Alexei nods. “Very much yes! I want to know you, Kent Parson. Want you to know me.” Has he not been clear?

Kent snorts, and then looks surprised at himself. “You uh, you can call me Kent, you know,” he says.

Alexei beams at him. “Kent! Okay, okay. Now, we see our coaches?”

“I uh. I guess so. Yeah.”

 

\---

 

Alexei suggests that they file for bond-make time, and Kent can’t think of a reason to say no. They both talk it over with their coaches and the heads of their respective teams, promise they’ll still be able to play (and play against each other), sign all the documents required, and then Kent is packing up his hotel room and heading back over to Alexei’s place.

He detours to buy himself some more clothes, since he’d only packed for a couple nights, and ends up getting recognized five times. He smiles and poses for pictures and signs shirts and pieces of paper, and when he finally gets back into his rental car, grips the steering wheel and tries to breathe.

The other shoe is going to drop. He can feel it in his bones. Alexei’s too good. He’s been too nice. He’s been too  _ careful _ . No one is careful with Kent. He fights hard and plays hard and everything about him is rough edges. He doesn’t need careful.

He doesn’t.

What he needs is for Alexei to just… drop the act, or whatever this is. Because if he doesn’t, Kent might start believing it, and he--he can’t do that to himself. 

And he fucking knows that he’s been back-and-forthing on the topic since it got brought  _ up _ but how else is he supposed to manage the road his life just took?

Fact: Alexei Mashkov is his soulmate.

Fact: Kent’s  _ words _ from Alexei are about how he thinks Kent is the worst fucking person in the world.

Fact: Alexei is acting like this isn’t true.

So. Fact: Something’s up.

He’s said he doesn’t want to hurt him (after explicitly saying he wanted to), he  said he didn’t want to have sex (and fuck that, you don’t tell someone they’ve got a beautiful fucking smile unless you want to sleep with them), and he’s been nothing but a gentleman all morning (and who even  _ acts _ like that, for real?). Kent’s not stupid. Alexei’s trying to lower his defenses because of… something. 

Kent’s just not sure what yet.

 

\---

 

The rest of the day passes similarly. Alexei is--is gentle with him. There’s no other word for it. He keeps his voice lowered, and holds the door for him, and asks Kent what he wants to do. And then they--do it.

Alexei takes him out to a movie Kent hasn’t had time to see yet, and then they get lunch, and then Alexei suggests they go for a walk, so they do that too. Alexei stops to pet every single dog they pass -even greets some of the dogs by name- and Kent is...charmed, and he doesn’t want to be, but it’s hard.

Alexei makes it easy to like him. 

Of course, neither of them can miss a workout, so Alexei takes Kent to the gym he’s part of, and they pass the next couple of hours doing their own thing, which Kent appreciates. He likes working out in his own little bubble, and he’s glad that Alexei leaves him alone to do it.

He does feel eyes on him a few times, and catches Alexei looking at least once, and he knew it, he knew Alexei thought he was hot. He’s glad of that. It gives him a bargaining chip back.

After the gym, Alexei brings Kent to a fancy smoothie bar and buys him something that looks like pureed grass and tastes delicious. It’s… all very nice. It’s a nice day. Kent can’t remember the last time he’s just...gone out and enjoyed a day, much less a day with someone else. His team, yeah, they went out for drinks, for dinner, but this is more...more.

He abruptly realizes, over dinner, that there is a chance he could legitimately fall for Alexei. Like, he hasn’t yet, but he likes the guy already. Give him another week of someone actually… being nice to him…

He’s pathetic. He realizes this. 

And it just means it’s going to hurt more, eventually.

“Kent?” Alexei asks. He’s got one hand reaching across the table, not quite brushing Kent’s own from where it’s got a death-grip on the silverware. “You okay?”

Kent relaxes his hold on the fork. “Uh, yeah. No problem. Just thinking.”

“I’m wish you not thinking so many bad things,” Alexei says, sounding sad. “Not good for you.”

Kent chokes down the bitter laugh. “Right.”

“You want should go? We can go.” And yeah, if Kent’s going to have a break-down, better not to do it in a crowded restaurant. So he nods, and Alexei quickly gets their food boxed up and paid for and drives them back to the apartment.

“Go sit,” Alexei tells him. “Relax in living room. I’m put this away.”

Kent goes, feeling kind of adrift. When Alexei comes in and sits next to him, puts a careful hand on his back, all Kent can think is how warm he is. Kent normally runs cold.

“Not feeling good?”

Kent shakes his head. Tries to smile. “I’m fine.”

Alexei frowns. “Not fine, Kent Parson. I can tell. Please, tell what is wrong?” He pauses, and then, hesitantly, asks, “Is me? I do wrong thing again?”

That makes Kent sit up. “What? No, no, you’ve been great.” He must sound convincing, because he watches Alexei visibly relax.

“Oh good,” he says, sounding way more relieved than Kent would have expected. And then he starts rubbing Kent’s back, moving his hand in big, slow circles. “Tell me what is wrong?”

“Nothing big. I’ll get over it.”

“But should not have to alone. Have me now.” He shifts, so he’s sitting fully behind Kent, and starts a full-fledged massage, digging his thumbs into spots that are right where Kent carries his tension.

It’s just hard enough to be the right kind of painful, and it feels amazing, and this is the whole the problem. Kent could get  _ used _ to this.

His eyes slide closed almost against his will, and he relaxes back against Alexei, who lets out a pleased sound. “Good,” he murmurs. “So good, Kent. Relax for me?”

Kent fights down a shudder and tries to enjoy it and not think about it getting taken away.

 

\---

 

Later, Alexei walks Kent to the guest bedroom and wishes him a good night, then stoops down and presses a gentle kiss to Kent’s cheek before turning and walking to his own room and shutting the door.

Kent is about three seconds away from following him and just demanding to know what he should be  _ doing _ , because the day had been amazing and Alexei is amazing and he wants this to work, damn it.

Fuck it, he thinks. Tomorrow he’ll just sit in Alexei’s lap. The man won’t say no  _ then _ , and Kent can show him what he’ll be able to bring to their relationship.

 

\---

 

Alexei is incredibly pleased with how the day had gone. Kent had been relaxed and comfortable for most of it, and he’d talked to Alexei without censoring himself. Alexei had seen him smile and even laugh, and he had loved it. He wants that from his soulmate, more often.

He falls asleep making plans for tomorrow. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. Alcohol use, and consent issues. See notes at the bottom for more details.

The next morning has more of the same. Kent wakes up and gets ready for the day, taking off the tags on some of his new clothes. Alexei’s waiting for him when he emerges from the guest room.

“Breakfast?” he asks, smiling.

“Sure.”

They go out to a different cafe, and Alexei suggests some dishes to Kent. They talk about hockey over their food, Alexei bringing up the subject and hey, if there’s one thing Kent can talk about, it’s hockey.

After breakfast, Alexei asks if Kent wants to go to the zoo.

Kent hasn’t been to the zoo in ages. He shrugs and says yes. Alexei beams at him, and insists on buying the tickets, and leads Kent to the penguin exhibit with all the delight of a kid.

They’re both dressed down and avoid getting too close since neither of them want the paparazzi bothering them and, amazingly they do get through the whole trip without being recognized. Kent realizes that Alexei seems to like his comments, and he _laughs_ when Kent chirps him (though the first time Kent’d done it, he’d frozen, horrified he’d ruined something). So it’s easier then, to keep going, without having to like, pretend too hard that he’s something he isn’t.

Kent’s words thrum, and he--he’s happy. He’s having a good time, and Alexei obviously is, seems perfectly content to spend time with Kent and really make this week about learning to care about each other.

Alexei doesn’t seem to mind Kent being _Kent_. At least, not right now.

After the zoo they head to the gym again, then get late lunch, to the rink for some ice time (even if they’re both off, they can’t exactly leave it alone), and by the time they’re back in Alexei’s apartment after dinner, Kent is perfectly ready to do whatever he can to keep this going. It’s the best time he’s had in ages and he’s well on his way to being over the moon for Alexei.

But, as far as he can tell, he’s not bringing anything to the table yet, so to speak.

So when they’re seated on the couch again talking over what to watch and Alexei turns towards him with a smile, Kent goes for it and moves forward to kiss him, making his intent clear.

Alexei’s hands come to rest on his shoulders as he gently pushes Kent away.

Kent frowns. Alexei strokes down his arms, expression soft. “Not yet, I don’t think,” he says quietly. “I rather keep knowing you first.”

“What,” Kent tries, pulling himself together. “You can’t tell me you don’t want some of this.” He grins too, because he is almost positive Alexei does.

Alexei chuckles. “I want. But taking time is better.”

“How _much_ time?” Kent asks, voice lowered, one finger coming up to curl around Alexei’s gold chain.

Alexei shrugs, closing his own hand around Kent’s. “Until you are wanting me too.”

That’s just ridiculous. Of course Kent wants him. He’s pretty much everything Kent finds attractive (big, good at hockey, handsome, actually seems to give a shit about him, _big_ ) wrapped up in a Russian accent. So he says as much. Smoothly, of course, but he does.

Alexei’s eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles. “Very happy to hear that,” he says. “But I’m wait until you mean not just for sex.”

“I don’t,” Kent says stupidly. Alexei’s _nice_ to him. He wants him around forever, basically. Sex is just what Kent can offer.

And Alexei’s turning him down.

That. Shouldn’t hurt as much as it does.

But he can do this. He just needs to try another approach. “Okay, fine,” he says, shifting so that he’s pressed up against Alexei from shoulder to hip. “Sex is off the table. What about cuddling?”

“That would make me very happy,” Alexei tells him, winding an arm around Kent’s shoulders.

Great. Kent can start small. He settles back into the couch and against Alexei.

 

\---

 

Alexei is strong in many ways, but in others, he is a weak man. It takes all of his will to push Kent away, instead of grabbing him up and kissing him back.

It’s harder to turn Kent down, to walk away from him, now that Kent has started to open up. He is more comfortable, and it is the most attractive he’s ever been. And Alexei had already thought him pretty damn attractive.

But he needs to wait. He can’t rush in. That way lies ruin, and he’d be devastated if they had sex now, with Kent just beginning to feel safe, and then have Kent regret it. They have time. He wants Kent to be sure. Not playing at it, like it’s the only way Alexei would have him. Which, of course Kent knows that’s not true. He is just teasing. And Alexei is fine with that; he can tell it’s part of Kent, to tease.

Alexei just wishes he were a better man.

As it is, their movie is over, and Kent has fallen asleep, head resting against Alexei’s bicep. He looks soft when he’s asleep, relaxed and calm. Alexei has a sudden burst of renewed affection for him, and brushes a lock of hair out of his face from where it has fallen.

They had had a bad start, but these last two days have gone very well, he thinks. He’s looking forward to the rest of the week. He’s looking forward to having more time with Kent.

He’s looking forward to, he hopes, making this forever. He can already see the potential for it, even after just two days.

“Kent,” he murmurs, shifting. “You must wake up now. Can’t sleep here.”

Kent mumbles something and presses into Alexei, and he can’t help but smile. The man is cute.

“Come on,” he says, a little louder, shaking Kent by the shoulder. “Bed would be better for sleeping.”

Kent’s eyes blink open, and he looks blearily up at Alexei. “Huh?”

Alexei chuckles. “Come on, _kotyonok_ , time for bed.”

“But I _was_ sleeping,” Kent mumbles, standing up when Alexei leads him.

“Sorry, sorry.”

Kent yawns and stumbles after Alexei. When they get to the guest room, he smiles, soft and slow, up at him. “Sure you don’t want to join me?”

“Maybe when you are less falling asleep,” Alexei manages, before he retreats to his room.

 

\---

 

“Okay,” Kent says to Alexei the next morning. He has a plan. He’s gonna show Alexei everything he’s got. “Okay, so so far, you’ve been picking everything we do. Which is great, don’t get me wrong, but let me take _you_ out today.” He’s gratified when Alexei obviously brightens.

“I’d like that very much,” he says.

“Great. Okay, so first thing. I’m making you breakfast.” Kent’s not like, a great cook or anything, but he’s also someone who spends a lot of time alone. Hence the urge to just do something with his time. Which means a lot of youtube how-to videos.

Anyway, the point is, he spent a good three weeks during an off season two years ago perfecting how to make eggs benedict.

Alexei lights up when Kent starts gathering ingredients together (he’d checked ahead of time to make sure Alexei had everything needed; some hockey players Kent knew didn’t know how to cook _anything_ ), and he watches with interest when he combines the water and vinegar.

He’s pretty close to Kent while Kent cooks, a large, warm presence by his side. It’s kind of nice. To be cooking for someone else.

Kent has a very specific order. He starts the water boiling for the eggs, and makes the hollandaise first, sets it aside , then adds the eggs to the water. While the first batch of eggs is poaching (he’s making two for him, four for Alexei, he’s seen the man eat), he starts frying the bacon in a pan. Pauses to take out the poached eggs and drop in new ones, finish the bacon, then toasts the bread in the bacon drippings (plain bread has to do, Alexei doesn’t have English muffins). Then he plates everything. It’s all still warm.

He bumps into Alexei when he steps away from the stove, and Alexei grins down at him.

Kent hipchecks him, and Alexei looks even more delighted.“Well?” Kent smirks. “Take a seat. Show me how much you appreciate my work, here.” He puts the plates down and takes his own seat.

Alexei’s reaction is very complimentary. “Okay, okay,” he says, halfway through the third egg. “No more cafes unless you want to go. You make food this good, is better than what they do.”

“What if I _want_ you to take me out?”

“Then we go anywhere you want to go!”

Kent chuckles, he can’t help it, Alexei is stupid endearing, and finishes his own food. Alexei’s done soon after, and he takes the plates to load into the dishwasher.

“Okay,” he says again, resting a hand on the back of Kent’s chair. Kent can feel the warmth of it, and stops himself from leaning back against it “Is your day. What first?”

“Wanna spend some time on the ice,” Kent says. Something he knows he and Alexei’ll both enjoy. “Do some fancy footwork drills.”

“Want to make me a better player, huh!”

“Something like that.” He also wants to conquer a new fear, and it’s either do it now and get it over with, or run away the next time he’s got to face-off against Alexei on the ice. Kent’s a coward at heart, but knows that he needs to do this.

Since it’s Saturday, the rink is empty. They both get their gear on before skating out onto the ice. Alexei is even bigger with his pads, but Kent refuses to be intimidated; he knows what he’s doing on the ice. He can do this. It’s just like a game.

They run drills for hours, and eventually deviate into just playing with the puck and trying to top each other with whatever trick that comes off the top of their heads. Kent is having a lot of fun, and when he finally calls it, he’s flushed from the exercise and the rush, and Alexei looks much the same. They grin at each other all the way back to the lockers.

Once they get there, though, and Alexei starts pulling off his gear to take a shower, Kent stops cold. He isn’t wearing his patch today. Had looked at his words in the mirror that morning and hadn’t wanted to cover it up before he’d gotten dressed.

He tries to keep undressing, but his movements are clumsy. He’s had one other person in his life see his words since he got them, and it was the doctor he’d gone to to determine for sure what they were. He doesn’t want Alexei to see. Doesn’t want him to be reminded of the circumstances.

“Is okay,” Alexei tells him. “I’m go first, you next. Okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” Kent says, relieved at the out. “Yeah, thanks. I’ll just. Yeah.”

“Sure thing!” Alexei walks into the showers, and Kent busies himself stripping down. It’s weird, because he should be all over Alexei right now. It’s basically a locker room porno waiting to happen.

If he’d had his patch on, he’d have gone for it.

As it is, he’s in the shower, soaping up, rinsing off, and out again, dressed and toweling off his hair, when Alexei walks out, dripping.

Kent swallows and averts his eyes. Locker room porno indeed. But he’s kind of starting to like the fact that Alexei isn’t leaping at the chance to fuck him? Like he might be worth more than that?

He’s not. Duh. But it’s a nice thought. And he doesn’t mind entertaining it for a little longer.

“Kent?” Kent jumps. Alexei is dressed and watching him carefully. “Ready? I’m ready to eat horse!”

Kent snorts. “Yeah, yeah, I’ve got a place all picked out. Let’s go.”

 

\---

 

Lunch is a hit. Then Kent takes Alexei back to the apartment and teaches him about seven different card games. Alexei knows how to play one kind of poker, and blackjack. Kent teaches him three more kinds of poker, casino, double solitaire, and gin.

By the time they get to millennium rummy, they’re both nearly in tears from laughter, and Alexei is begging that they stop. “My brain is too full! Too many cards!”

Kent glances at the time and pulls out his phone. “That’s fine. I’m going to order dinner. We eat, then we get dressed.”

“Dressed for what?”

Kent grins. “We’re going _out_ tonight.” He can’t wait to see what kind of dancer Alexei is.

 

\---

 

This was a _great_ plan, Kent thinks, when the cab drops them back off at Alexei’s apartment. They stumble inside, kick off their shoes, and then, falling over each other, manage to make it to the couch. Kent collapses on it and Alexei lands nearly on top of him, pressing him down against it.

It feels amazing, and Kent wiggles, pleased, as Alexei practically drapes himself over Kent. “Had very nice time,” he laughs into Kent’s neck. “Good night.”

Kent rolls his eyes and pushes lightly at Alexei. He doesn’t budge.“Yeah, maybe next time you won’t try to drink everyone we meet under the table.”

“Good night,” Alexei says again, pressing a kiss to Kent’s shoulder, running a hand down his side.

Kent arches up, feeling breathless. He knows where this is going, and he’s had a great day, and he’s totally over that dumb thought from the locker room. He _wants._ “Alexei,” he groans.

“Yes,” Alexei says, taking Kent’s hands and lacing their fingers together before moving to kiss Kent on the mouth. Kent can taste the alcohol on his tongue. It’s everything Kent wants, and, he realizes, as he goes cold, something he can’t have.

Alexei’s drunk. Kent’s taking advantage of him.

He shifts away. Alexei follows him, kissing a line down his jaw.

“Wait,” Kent says, starting to panic. “Alexei, stop.”

Alexei nuzzles his throat and then pulls back, so they are nose-to-nose. “Want me to?” He sounds so forlorn about it.

Kent squeezes his eyes shut. It feels so good. He feels so _wanted_.

Alexei’s drunk. He’s going to hate Kent in the morning.

Alexei seems to take his silence as an answer, because he moves to kiss Kent again, pressing him back against the couch. Kent has always liked being held down, and the kiss is tender and soft, not clumsy at all even with how shitfaced Alexei’s got to be. He whimpers and returns the kiss. At-at least he’ll have this.

So far it’s been good memories, with Alexei. This can be his last one.

He knew he’d ruin it eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END. 
> 
> No, no, I kid. There will be more.
> 
> WARNINGS: Kent and Tater get drunk. Drunk Kent is under the impression that he's taking advantage of (a very willing) Drunk Tater and goes for it anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: This chapter contains consent issues, and the assumption of assault. See notes at the end for more details

Alexei wakes up at five like he usually does, no alarm needed, yawns, and closes his eyes again, perfectly content to lay there for another couple of hours since he’s allowed to this week. He tucks his head back into the join of Kent’s neck and shoulder, pressing a quick kiss there before he settles into sleep.

This week. Kent. His eyes fly open and the memories of last night rush back, without even a hangover to impede them.

Kent had told him to stop.

Kent had told him to stop, and Alexei had _held him down_.

Alexei only doesn’t leap off for fear of disturbing Kent. As it is, he carefully slides away from him, pulls on a pair of pants, and then rushes into the kitchen as quietly as he can.

He grabs his vodka out of the freezer, the beer from the fridge, the champagne from the pantry and throws it all away. He’s never drinking again.

He’s standing over the sink shaking, trying to think of how he can--not apologize, nothing he does will ever be enough--when Kent shuffles into the kitchen. Alexei turns to look at him; he’s not wearing a shirt, and his mark is bare. Alexei has a sudden, unbidden memory of kissing it.

Before, seeing Kent comfortable enough to walk around shirtless would have elated him. Now he can only see that Kent is obviously tense and wary and--

And nothing Alexei did not expect.

He balls his hands into fists to keep from reaching out, so hard they start to shake, and Kent takes a step back before muttering, “Morning,”

“H-hello.”

He watches Kent swallow, and then hears him say, “I’m sorry.”

Alexei’s world tilts. He’s across the room and grabbing Kent’s hand before he can think twice. “No!” he says. “No, you--” he freezes.

Kent has brought up his free arm and is cringing beneath it.

He’s expecting a blow.

After what Alexei had done last night, now Kent’s expecting Alexei to hit him.

Alexei wishes he could die.

He throws himself backwards, into the kitchen table, knocking over one of the chairs. Then he just slides to the floor and holding his head in his hands. “I am sorry,” he says, over and over. “I am sorry. And is not okay, is not okay.” He’s weeping as he says it, and it’s only several moments later that he realizes Kent is kneeling in front of him on the floor. His eyes are wide and he looks completely taken aback.

“Alexei--what-- _stop_ \--”

This time Alexei listens. He closes his mouth immediately.

Kent’s eyes dart back and forth. “...what are _you_ sorry for?”

“Last night,” Alexei manages, even as it makes him sicker to say aloud. “You say stop and I keep going. I...I understand if meaning you want to breaking bond. You should. You should.”

Kent seems to shrink in on himself. “You want to break the bond. I, yeah, I figured.” Then his brow crinkles and he says, “Wait _what_? You think--Alexei, this is my fault. You-you were drunk. And I let you anyway. I didn’t stop you.”

“I held you,” Alexei cries.

“I liked it!”

They blink at each other.

“You don’t hate me?” Kent asks, sound timid.

Alexei shakes his head. “I could not. I…” he swallows, hoping, “I didn’t force you?”

“ _No_.”

Alexei is so relieved he might be crying again. “Good. I’m glad. I’m so glad.”

They just stay there and breathe for a little while.

“I’m thinking we need more talk,” Alexei says at last.

Kent sighs, but he nods. “Yeah, probably.”

 

\---

 

Alexei rights the chair and then they both take a seat at the kitchen table. It’s quiet before Alexei says, “I’m going first.” He looks at Kent, as serious as Kent’s ever seen on or off the ice. “I’m never will hurt you on purpose. Sometimes I hurt you by accident, but I try to make right. I do not hit off the ice. You, I don’t hit on ice either, not on purpose. Ever. Get me?”

“...you could, you know,” Kent says, so quietly he barely hears himself.

Alexei stares at him. “Could what?”

“Hit me,” Kent shrugs. It’s easier to say than he’d thought it would be. “I mean, not all the time, but if you lose your temper, I’d like, I’d get that.” Alexei has been nothing but good to him, barring at the beginning, when he’d been angry. So. Kent can take the times that he is. Probably not the healthiest way of thinking, but he’s been _happy_ these last few days, and he doesn’t want to be alone. He can take being smacked around once in awhile, in exchange for that. Nothing’s perfect. Besides, “And I can’t ask you not to on the ice anyway. That’s part of your shtick.”

Alexei opens his mouth, but no sounds comes out. Kent shifts in his seat, not sure if he’s said the wrong thing, when Alexei’s face completely blanks.

“You think so less of me,” he says, stilted, “That I would hurt person I care about.”

“I mean, I don’t think you’d _mean_ it,” Kent says quickly, hand moving to grip the edge of the table. “Just--like you said, accidents happen. And you’d, you’d make it better after, right? I know you would.” He looks down at the table. “I--I know you would.”

“Kent Parson,” Alexei says, his hands clenched so hard the knuckles are white, “You thinking I’m truly that man, then you break soulbond with me. Right now.”

 

\---

 

Alexei has never been more furious in his entire life. Not even that Kent thinks he’d be capable of abuse (that _hurts_ , it doesn’t make him angry) but that someone, at some time, had done something to Kent to make him think that _suggesting it would be okay._

He’s at a complete loss. He doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know what he could possibly say. Only offer that--if Kent… if Kent is really so afraid of him, what he might do, then he should break their soulbond.

It’s only right.

Alexei’d been the one who pushed Kent into coming over to his apartment. Who had suggested filing for bond-make time. Who’d lead almost every activity, except for yesterday and he’d been so happy when Kent had wanted to participate but--

If Kent’s really that afraid of him, has been this entire time just waiting for the other shoe to drop, then Alexei’s been abusing him from the get-go. He just hadn’t realized it. Which is almost worse.

He’s heard that a bond rejected is the worst thing a person can feel, and he has never been more ready to welcome pain.

He nods at Kent, who looks frozen with fear (again, _again_ , Alexei, look at what you have done) and tries to smile at him. “Go on. Is for the best. I am ready.”

“I don’t _want_ to,” Kent bursts out. “I’ve been trying this whole time to keep you from rejecting _me_ . You’ve been perfect! You _are_ perfect.”

Alexei is far from that. “Kent--”

But Kent just keeps going. “No! No, you know what, _fuck_ you. You can’t just--just put this on me, okay? You’ve been acting like you _like_ me. You took me out on dates! You acted like I was worth more than just a fuck, even when I was throwing myself at you! And now you just--turn around and say you want _me_ to leave you? Because what? I tried to offer you the one thing I had to _give_?”

“I--”

“Because that’s all I was doing! You’ve got a temper, fine! Like half the league has anger issues! That’s why they play fucking hockey! You don’t want me for me body, I don’t exactly have anything else going for me, and I just! Wanted you! To stick! Around!”

Kent collapses back into his seat, having stood up halfway through yelling, and covers his face with his hand. “I wasn’t expecting you to love me,” he mutters. “But I was hoping you’d maybe keep me for a little while.”

“Kent Parson.” Alexei does not stand, but he wants to, to express the gravity of what he says next. Kent looks up at him. Alexei can see that his eyelashes are wet. He takes a deep breath. “I have your words,” he says solemnly. “I care about you before I meet you. And I care about you now I do meet you. I know enough. I know I could love you, if you let me.”

Kent stares. “But I didn’t do anything.”

“No, you do very much. You play good hockey. Are strong person. Can talk about things with me, and also you telling me when I do wrong. I’m need someone like you with me. That we have bond already only means I know it will work, if we try.” Alexei tries to get across what he means, even if his words aren’t the right ones. “No more misunderstandings.”

Kent swallows, but he looks wary, not afraid, and Alexei relaxes just a little. “Only person who to breaking soulbond is you, Kent Parson. I never will. As long as I’m live, I never will, unless you want it. But you ever do, I am ready. Not because I won’t miss you. Not because I could not love you. But because I’m rather no bond, than one where you’re hurting. Okay?”

Kent pushes to his feet, stumbles, steadies himself against the table. Alexei gets up too, coming to stand in front of Kent. They look at each other, then Alexei opens his arms, inviting, and Kent practically falls into them.

Alexei murmurs to him, rubs his back, presses kisses to his hair.

“I’m really fucking sorry,” Kent says, sounding like the words have been punched out of him. “I--fuck, I’ve made a mess of this.”

“No more than I do.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t make me feel fucking _awful_ ,” he says, speaking to Alexei’s chest. “I basically _accused you_ \--”

Alexei shushes him. “We were saying many things, but not talking to each other. My fault too.”

“And you’re just... forgiving me. Just like that.”

“Just like that,” Alexei says. “Can’t promise always to forgive so easy, but this? This is easy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexei and Kent were both drunk, and Alexei assumes that he assaulted a (very willing) Kent.


	7. Chapter 7

Part of Kent still doesn’t believe it. That someone wants to be there for him, without him offering up something concrete in return.

But Alexei is the most earnest man Kent has ever meant, and not once, since Alexei realized Kent had his words, has he done anything to belittle Kent, or make him feel like wasn’t  _ worth _ something. Just the opposite. He’s been kind and caring and--

They spend the rest of the morning quietly. Alexei makes a simple breakfast and then they move to the living room again and watch part of  _ Prisoner of Azkaban _ because it’s on and easy.

When it’s over, Alexei asks if Kent wants to play cards, and Kent deals things out for casino.

“Think you remember how to play?”

Alexei smiles. “Watch me. I bet I beat you. Even if you’re are dealer and have advantage.”

Alexei loses miserably. Kent suggests best two out of three, and Alexei laughs when they count up the cards the second time.

“Okay, okay, so maybe I’m lose.”

Kent can’t help but smile. “Yeah. I win the bet.”

“Okay,” Alexei nods. “What is prize for winning?”

Kent hadn’t expected Alexei to offer up a prize. He thinks over what to ask for, ends up discarding half a dozen ideas, and takes way too long to come up with something but he eventually says, “We’re ordering Chinese.” 

Alexei just smiles at him gently when he finally gets it out. “You will have to be making order then. I don’t eat it often.”

“You’re still paying.”

“Of course!”

Kent gets all his favorites and orders enough for leftovers even with Alexei’s appetite. It’s a bit early to eat lunch, but hey, they’re hockey players, even if they’re “off” this week. Food is not really a bad thing.

“You’re supposed to eat Chinese food while watching bad movies,” Kent tells Alexei, after he brings all the cartons into the living room.

“Oh? Didn’t know this rule. What movie? More Harry Potter?”

“What? Screw you, no, Harry Potter is great.” He can say that. He’s allowed to say that. Alexei likes his chirps. Kent keeps going. “Let me see what Netflix has to offer.”

Alexei seems perfectly content to sit back and let Kent pick the movie, but Kent wants him to like, make a decision, so he picks the top three and asks Alexei to chose. It’s a good compromise, he figures. He can’t--lead everything. He doesn’t know how, without making mistakes.

“Kent?” Alexei asks, when Kent pauses trying to select the freaking movie. “We can watch different one.”

“That’s not--” he stops.

“Kent.” Alexei leans towards him. “Tell me what is wrong. Always. Please. I cannot fix or help if I’m not knowing.”

“I’m going to mess up,” Kent blurts out. When Alexei tilts his head, he continues, “I don’t know… how to have a relationship. I don’t know how to do this. I’m going to get things wrong.”

“Yes,” Alexei nods slowly. “You will. Me too. Part of to build a relationship is mistakes. That is how things get better. My parents, they love each other very much. And they argue. Do not yell, do not fight, but argue over little things. Is healthy.” He pauses, seeming to gather his thoughts. “You can’t… worry about getting things wrong. That will only make you sad. We work together, we learn together. Growing together is best part of loving someone.”

Kent swallows and searches Alexei’s face.

“But what... happens?”

“We talk. We apologize if there is need. Life, it goes on after.”

“Oh.”

He finally selects the movie. They eat out of the cartons and take turns passing them back and forth. He still feels jittery, like he’s missing something, but now he doesn’t even have an idea of what it might be.

They sit apart from each other on the couch, but when they’re done eating with an hour left to go in the movie, Kent says, “Hey, can we--” before he cuts himself off.

Alexei looks at him expectantly.

“...cuddle. Can we uh. Is that still allowed?” After I fucked it all up.

“If you want to for you, and not for me,” Alexei says, after a beat.

“Well you’re a pretty important part, but no, yeah I just. It was nice. When we did it before.” Kent averts his eyes. He doesn’t like feeling this vulnerable. But he also feels like this is stuff he needs to say, now. 

All Alexei seems to want from him is honesty.

“I’m liking that very much,” Alexei says. “How you would wish to do it?”

“I,” Kent can do this, he can  _ do this _ , “I’d like it if you. Held me. No ulterior motives or anything. Promise.”

Alexei smiles softly. “That, we can do.”

Kent shuffles forward until he’s sitting right next to Alexei, and closes his eyes for a second when Alexei wraps his arms around him. God, god this might be something he actually gets.

“Also is okay to ask for things,” Alexei murmurs. “To want things.”

Kent opens his eyes. “You might not like that. I’m--kind of a selfish bastard.”

Alexei shrugs, and Kent can feel the movement against his own body. “Is okay. I have lots to give you.”

Kent... can believe that. 

 

\---

 

The day is quiet, and Alexie is thankful for it. They stay inside his apartment and stay on the couch, watch a number of different movies and television shows, and take breaks to play cards. That’s it. No outside influence and no other people, except the occasional food delivery person.

Time passes honey slow in a good way, the kind that one likes to savor. And he does. He savors each and every moment with Kent where they’re comfortable with each other. Where they’re finally talking to each other. 

Where Alexei gets to hold him.

He wants to hold Kent close, always. After what he’s heard and seen, he wants to love Kent more than ever. Wants to show him how important he is, how good he is.

Kent deserves to feel loved and wanted. And it is painfully, viscerally clear, that he hasn’t felt that in a long, long time.

_ “You could, you know. Hit me.” _ Alexei tightens his arms around Kent, who makes a questioning noise, but doesn’t move otherwise.  _ “Just--like you said, accidents happen. And you’d, you’d make it better after, right? I know you would.” _

There are some people Alexei would gladly hit off the ice. Kent is not one of them. But some people…

_ “You acted like I was worth more than a fuck.” _

_ “I don’t exactly have anything else going for me.” _

Alexei buries his face in Kent’s hair, curls his fingers around Kent’s arms, just memorizing the smell and feel of him. 

Kent shifts in his lap. “Um.”

“Sorry,” Alexei says, but doesn’t move yet. “I can stop?”

“No uh. No, that’s. That’s cool.” But he’s stiff again, so Alexei pulls away. He doesn’t want to push anything, especially now.

“Kent,” Alexei says gently, bringing his hands to Kent’s shoulder. “You want I should stop, you say stop.”

Kent twists around to face him. He looks like a deer in headlights. “I didn’t--I don’t--”

“You want I should stop, you tell me,” Alexei says again. He will say it a hundred times. And curse it, he will  _ listen _ . “I’m not being upset. Is okay for you to have boundaries.”

Kent bits his lip, eyes skittering to the side.

“Yes?” Alexei prompts.

“I didn’t… want you to stop,” Kent says at last. “I just… it’s weird. Being held. I’m not used to it. I like it though,” he adds, quietly.

Alexei winds his arms back around Kent, gathers him close, presses a kiss to his forehead. “Okay. I will keep doing, then. Thank you for telling me.”

Kent lets out a shaky breath before, in increments, resting his head on Alexei’s shoulder. He is honest with his body, in a way he is just starting to be with his words. Alexei plans to learn Kent in every way he can.

As it is, he brings his hands up to stroke Kent’s back and murmurs how good he is, not missing how Kent shudders a little every time he says it. 

They stay like that for a long time. “Movie’s over,” Kent says eventually, into Alexei’s neck.

“Okay.”

Neither of them move.


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a milestone giveaway over at my tumblr (justwritins) and the most requested thing was more of this story. So I present to you...more of this story.

A month and a half later, Kent finally has a free couple of days, and he flies back down to visit Alexei.

He’s nervous all through the flight. They’ve been texting everyday, and have tried to skype at least once a week. It’s hard with their schedules and the time difference, but it helps that they’ve both been committed to making the effort.

But that’s still different from seeing each other in person. It’s been more than  a month. And while Kent’s definitely…calmed down some of his partying (especially the part where he finds a willing stranger or two who doesn’t know or care who he is), he still doesn’t feel like he really measures up.

Alexei texts him hearts, and updates about his day, and asks Kent how he’s feeling, for _what is interesting for you now? What was good about today?_ And half the time Kent just stares at the messages, unsure how to respond.

Alexei had wanted to pick Kent up from the airport, but Kent had shot that down. They’ve so far managed to avoid paparazzi, and he wants to keep it that way for now. When things are still so new, while they’re still feeling each other out.

So now he’s getting out of a cab and looking up at Alexei’s apartment building, and his stomach flips over.

He pulls out his phone. _I’m here._

A second later, and Alexei’s holding the front door of the building open for him.

“Kent!” he calls. “Come in!” He looks good. Kent’s been used to seeing him on a slightly pixilated screen, or on the Falconers video logs that he’s taken to watching (and seeing Jack in them doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t). Now…

Guess absence does make the heart grow fonder. Because his is beating too fast, right now. Right underneath his words.

Right. Deep breath. Kent can do this.

He throws Alexei a tired smile and hefts his bag, making his way inside.

Alexei pulls him into a hug as soon as Kent is in the building. Completely enveloped, Kent lets it happen. Consciously doesn’t tense up, because if he does, Alexei will pull away and frown and ask if it’s too much and Kent doesn’t want to have that conversation, doesn’t want the hug to stop because he did something. So he maybe clings and holds on, just a little bit.

Alexei does pull away sooner than Kent would have liked, but he’s smiling. “I keep hugging you here, I not stop. Come, let’s go home.”

_Home._

Kent shivers and follows Alexei to the elevators.

 

—

 

“How was flight?” Alexei asks, once Kent has dropped his bag and kicked off his shoes. “You hungry? I have food. Tired? You want a nap?”

Kent shakes his head. “I’m good.”

“Okay. What you want we should do?”

Alexei always asks. In texts, their calls, _what you want we should talk about?_ Kent shouldn’t be surprised. Ball’s in his court. Alexei has spent a lot of time making that pretty clear.

“Can we just–” he’s getting better at this stuff, but it’s different to be asking for a physical thing, “Can we go sit down together?”

“Yes!” Alexei smiles. “Yes, good idea.”

Feeling brave, Kent reaches out and takes Alexei’s hand before kind of tugging him into the living room. Alexei goes easily, immediately lacing his fingers through Kent’s own.

“I don’t really want to talk yet,” Kent mumbles, after he and Alexei are sitting next to each on the couch, pressed together from shoulder to knee. Alexei has an arm slung around Kent’s shoulders, the other hand holding onto Kent’s.

“Don’t have to talk. You can just be here.” Alexei kisses the top of Kent’s head. “That is all I’m wanting. You here. I’m missing you very much.”

“I… I missed you too.” He had, Kent realizes. The feeling of being more lonely than usual, that had been him missing Alexei.

He’d spent years with his words on his body, and had been–fine. And then after a week, a month, Alexei had turned into somebody to miss.

“You want to watch something?”

Kent shakes his head. “No I–I kind of just wanted this. Uh. Sorry, that sounds super sappy–”

Alexei squeezes his shoulders. “It makes me very happy, Kent. You make me very happy.”

Kent still doesn’t get it. Like sure, they talk and text, and okay, he’s here, he’s invested, duh, but that all seems a far cry from making someone else happy.

Alexei doesn’t want anything from him, except what Kent wants to give. He’s made that crystal clear. And that was easier to deal with when they were hours away from each other. Now that he’s here, he doesn’t know what to do. Again.

So he goes with what’s been easy, on the phone, on skype, through text. “Tell me about your day?”

And Alexei starts talking, voice a soothing rumble, and Kent relaxes just a little bit more, against him.

 

—

 

They order in, and eat quietly at the kitchen table. Alexei is overjoyed to have Kent back in his space, but both of them are a little uncertain of what to do with each other now.

So Alexei suggests cards.

That gets a real smile out of Kent. “What, you remember how to play?”

“Been practicing!” And it’s true, he has been. “I play you in double solitaire.” He picks that one because it’s a fast-paced game, easy to let loose with, the kind of game he and Kent are drawn to as people.

It also helps that with the flurry of moving cards, there’s plenty of humor to be found in the game. It’s another ice-breaker, the kind they needed, and they both settle a little more.

After that, Kent, grinning, suggests that play two truths and a lie. Alexei already knows the game, thanks to Falconers Video, and is more than happy to play.

Funnily enough, it turns out they know each other pretty well, after over a month of talking and texting. They guess each other's’ lies pretty easily. It’s still a good time, but then Kent sits back on the couch and watches Alexei, head tilted.

“What,” Alexei says, smiling, leaning into him. “Something on my face?”

Kent swallows. “Hey,” he says. “Can I… try something?”

Alexei immediately nods. “Yes. What?”

Kent shifts until he’s able to face Alexei, and then he leans forward and kisses the corner of Alexei’s mouth. It’s a chaste kiss in every sense of the word. Alexei holds himself stone still, until Kent moves back.

“Kent?” Alexei asks, unsure.

“I wanted to do that,” Kent says, by way of explanation. “I–I wanted to. That’s okay. You said it was okay if I want to.”

“Yes,” Alexei says. “Is very okay. If you want to. I’m asking… if you do.”

Kent shrugs.

“Kent. You must talk with me.”

He watches as Kent visibly sorts through his thoughts. “I’m feeling messed up,” he says. It sounds like an admission. “Like I’m _here._ And you’re here. And it’s nice to just… be able to touch you? And I want to. But I also want to make you happy. So it’s–it’s both. Can it be both?”

Alexei swallows. “It can be both,” he says after a few moments. “I think it can be.”

“Okay. Okay, good.”

The silence reigns for a little longer, before Kent says, quietly, “I want to kiss you. I want to touch you and have you touch me. And–and not because I’m trying to like, pay my way or something. But I think it’d mean um, more. Than stuff I’ve done… in a long time. And I sort of want to know what that would feel like.” He squeezes his eyes shut, and Alexei’s heart hurts. “Fuck, I hate talking about this, this is so hard.”

Alexei doesn’t even know what expression he is making. “Thank you, Kent.”

Kent opens his eyes, looks up at him, “For what?” he asks, sounding so unsure.

“Telling me this. Even with it being hard for you.”

“Feels like we’re talking in circles,” Kent mutters, dropping his eyes. “This is stupid. That we’re tiptoeing around the fact that we want to sleep with each other.”

“Is lots of other feelings mixed up, I think,” Alexei says easily. “Why is so difficult. And I’m think is too simple, ‘wanting to sleep with each other.’ More than that for me. I think, is more than that for you?”

He watches Kent swallow. “Yeah. Yeah, I–yeah.”

“I would like to kiss you,” Alexei admits. “Very much.”

“God, _please.”_

And this is different from before. This is Kent asking, not offering. This is Kent, sober and steady, eyes bright and earnest and wanting.

Alexei’s hands might be shaking just a little, when he places one on Kent’s waist, the other cradling his head, Kent letting out a soft sound before just sliding forward into Alexei’s lap. Kent wraps his own arms around Alexei’s neck and pulls him in, and Alexi goes easily, until their mouths are slanted together. Alexei leads the kiss, keeping it gentle and not frantic, coaxing Kent into play. Nothing rough, just the slide of lips and tongue.

It’s a fight to keep his hips still, to not clutch too tightly, but it is worth it when Kent pulls back, panting a little, and smiles up at him, all genuine.

“That was–that was nice.” And then he looks unsure again. “I. I think that’s all I want to do. If that’s okay.”

Alexei pulls him close, buries his face in Kent’s throat. “So okay,” he says. “So good and okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [justwritins](http://justwritins.tumblr.com/) on tumblr and I'm total cp trash right now. Come say hi!  
> 


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